she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
