Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My cat gives me a boner
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
