Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
