He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
