new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm having to shit out rocks
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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