she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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