Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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