she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
