I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
