what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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