so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
