I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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