she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We need a shit load of segways right now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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