Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
