also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
