Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
