i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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