I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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