Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
