CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
