dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Randomize
