You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
