Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
