I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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