I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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