I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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