He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
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