I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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