im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
