i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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