So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
