they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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