i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants