I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"