at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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