we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
