By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.