If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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