ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder