U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him