that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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