The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
