it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
