Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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