You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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