just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
