At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
