youre lurking in front of me
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
