Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
