We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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