I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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