You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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