Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this just has baby written all over it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
