Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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