apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
