nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
