If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
