It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...