Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
