apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
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