Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
