i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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