Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize