seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
