That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
