How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
