i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think my tv is drunk
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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