someone owes me an orgasm
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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