I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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