Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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