I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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