I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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