God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
