Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
