i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
