So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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