I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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