I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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