All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize