why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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