just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
