im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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