She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
