Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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