i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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