genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
